In a word Crazy.
Crazy Good. Crazy exhausting. Just cray cray!
Making the transition from a working woman to a freelancer/stay-at-home mom was not as easy or seamless as I thought. The actual transition wasn’t too stressful. My husband is super supportive (he still cooks! Yay!) and my little girl always manages to keep me smiling even at 2 am when she’s up and wants to play instead of sleep! It was the mental transition that was a little challenging.
I wasn’t ready for the mish mosh of feelings I was going to experience. I didn’t prepare to be a stay at home and pursue the freelance writing career I always wanted. The whole time I was pregnant I had every intention of going back to work. But then the princess came and I made the decsision to step into unknown territory. Being a mom for the first time is hard enough but then to strike out on your own at the same time – my Type A self had a heart attack! I didn’t plan for months on end. I didn’t research until I felt better about the decision. Some days I was totally confident in what I was doing and I could clearly see where I wanted to be, knowing I could get there. Other days I was doubting everything I did, too scared to do anything for fear of failure. I would feel like I wasn’t cut out for this and unsure of which path to take. I didn’t feel I was good enough. When things don’t go according to plan, I don’t get that project I applied for, or my daughter sends my perfectly planned day into a tailspin, those thoughts rear it’s head very fast. Then I remembered something I heard on a Oprah show awhile back:
If you’re not afraid, you’re not dreaming big enough.
When I worked my office job I used to talk about my dream job all the time – being a full time writer. Being able to do it from home was just icing on the cake. The opportunity to do it is in here in my face and it’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time. But why am I scared? This is what I wanted, right?
Something I learned through all of this is that it’s so easy to dream and not so easy to make that dream a reality. I know I went on in last week’s post about bloggers and how many new ones want that super stardom overnight. Let’s just say for argument’s sake it does happen – can you handle it? Will you be so overwhelmed you’ll want to turn and run? Are you willing to put in the work to maintain your status? That’s why it takes hard work to get what you want so when you do get there, you can confidently answer those questions and then get back to the grind. It’s okay to be scared.
It’s how you react to that fear that makes the difference.
You can’t let that fear hold you back from what you want. You gotta push through, keep doing what you’re doing, and lean on your support system. Then, do those things that scare you to death. You have to reach higher than you have been to get that dream out of your head and into your reality. There’s no need for a perfect plan and you will make a few gaffes along the way, but it’s all part of the journey.
As for me, I have my superwoman days and I take advantage of them getting as much done as I can. On those days when I’m not feeling so confident I give myself a pass to work through them I look to my daughter (her smiles always makes me feel better!), my husband, and my family for the support I need to keep going. I know I’m going to make some mistakes and I’m going to have some bad days but it’s okay. It’s a thing called life.